Monday, January 21, 2013

Right, so it has been a long time since I've been on here (which is what I save every time). So, here is a brief synopsis of my life now. I graduated from College (yay!) and student loans started coming due (boo!). However, I also got a pretty sweet job, so I am not part of the graduated-and-am-screwed portion of my graduating class (How the eff I managed that, I will never know, but I'm not gonna complain). So, onto my job. If you've read this at all, you know that I am not "normal," so it is expected that my job is not "normal." What do I do? I take care of bears, and some other creatures as well; but mainly bears. Basically, I work as an animal keeper for north american wildlife and an animal handler for bear cubs. As of right now, I'm helping to raise 6 cubs and our next set will be due shortly. When I say next set, I mean roughly 12-16 cubs that will need to be fed every 2 hours, so once that hits if my entries seem like they were written by a drugged out prostitute with 6 trick babies you will know why. Now, onto the stories:
             I am currently cold and in pain. Why, you ask? Because I have the coordination of a drunken elephant with inner ear issues who also has things possessed by demons on a regular basis. Allow me to explain. I am sore because the other day, I fell down my stairs. It was more of a jauntily bounced-down-the-stairs-on-my-ass kind of fall, which resulted in a bruise in the shape of a stair spanning the length of my ass with a few perfectly circular bruises in the form of nail heads (they were outdoor stairs). I then proceeded to trip over the wire in the cub yard not once, not twice, but 5 times in the last week. 5. I had to ghetto rig my car to start it because the tumbler in my ignition broke WITH MY KEY IN IT, in the ON position. Now given, that was like a year ago, but if you read above you will notice the mention of student loans; hence the ghetto rigging.
            Then, last night I can't sleep (which has been an issue the past two weeks; in fact it has reached the level where I start to hum and sway and don't realize it) and decide to take a hot shower. But, because I pissed off some deity somewhere, my hot water is spontaneously not working. Then to make matters worse, when I turn the shower off it doesn't turn off. It just keeps flowing like it's the friggin nile. At this point, I am sleep deprived and am convinced the devil has taken over my shower head and is raininy unholy water down upon me like a curse. I run out of the bathroom in a panic, because I am not one who fixes shit,. and ask my great dane what to do. She then promptly barfs all over the floor. I take this as a sign that my house is haunted by angry demon ghosts, but take pity on my dog and clean her mess. Once it's clean however, I do the very adult thing of opening the bathroom door, staring st satan's shower, then proceeding to close the door and pretend like nothing happened. I head to bed, but unfortunately, while laying there I can still hear the demonic babbling of the shower water bouncing off the shower floor. So, I shut my bedroom door; which was a no go. At this point, most people would have arisen again, determined to solve the problem. However, I (being one who does not fix shit), take the high road and crank up music and proceed to pass out.
     I arise in a groggy, zombie-like stupor in the morning mumbling about needing coffee before I cut someone, stumble into the bathroom, see the shower STILL running. Curse the heavens, mumble something unintelligible about Satan showers and proceed to leave. I then have the joy of having a mini-asthma attack while shoveling snow. I am not convinced an evil entity is stalking me and mentally berate the ghost, informing it that the stalkee should not be aware of the stalker and that he needs ninja lessons. The maintenance guy finally makes it over and turns off the evil nile and heads out, so I get home (freezing) and wish for a hot shower only to find my hot water is mysteriously back on. This leaves me to say: WTF. That is all, now it is time for me to go to red robin and stuff my face like a fat kid.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

A little more about me pour vous

  Alright homeskillets, I decided that you wonderful people deserved to know a bit more about me so here we go:

Do you have any pets?:
 I have 2 dogs and 1 snake. The pooches names are MoneyPenny, my super sweet Great Dane, and Chance, my flooferpoofers. Ok, so flooferpoofers isn't a breed; I know. He's a Border Collie/ Husky, i just call him flooferpoofers or flooferbutt. My fiance tells me this isn't manly and will give him a complex and tells me I need to give him a manly nickname like Whiskerbiscuit. I told him if he forces me to sacrifice flooferpoofers I will call him foofoocuddlypoops; he decided flooferbutt was acceptable. Penny eats everything in sight (including that in the pantry) and Chance cries like he's in pain when he gets excited. Apparently, it's a husky thing. I think he does it to see if the neighbors will think I abuse him and sneak him treats.

What are your favorite foods?
 I love things that are bad for me. So, cupcakes top my list (obviously). There's a cupcakery in town and the cupcakes will give you foodgasms. Seriously. Next to that I love me some Mama Roni's pizza rolls. No, these are not Totinos, these kiddos are the real thing, and the real thing is delicious! I also love cheese. Just cheese. If it is cheese and is made from cow, I pretty much guarantee I want to stroke it and love it and have it's baby. Except for swiss. Not a fan of swiss. Save for that, give me a block and a knife and I'll be happy as a fat kid at a buffet ( and yes, I do realize that isn't pc. I just don't care).

Favorite Ice Cream?
Ben n Jerry's Thin Mint Cookie, although the limited edition Key Lime Pie is a close second.

Favorite movie?
See, now this one always gets me because I love movies. I watch a ton of movies. My favorites, though, tend to be the classics. I can't help it, I just love movies where people spontaneously burst into song and dance and no one seems to think it's abbienormal (please, someone get that movie reference). I figure that has to do with my grandma. Before she floated off into the great musical of the beyond we would have a classical movie marathon every time I came to visit. My favorite movie is My fair Lady. Followed closely by anything else either Audrey Hepburn or Rogers and Hammerstein did. Now, I must also give mad props to Stardust (which is amazing) and Ever After (what can I say, I'm a sucker for a happy ending).  I must also add in here that I looooove Star Wars and Lord of the Rings. I know it is exceptionally dorky, but I adore them. In fact, I adore them so much that I found a friend to share the dorkiness with. She has purple hair, several piercings, wears vegan footwear and carries a lightsaber in her car in case she ever needs to have a spontaneous fight to protect the force at a stoplight.

Favorite TV Shows?
Well, this one's a toughie because I don't actually have cable. No, I'm not a freak, I'm just a busy girl who rarely has time to watch tv. However, when I do have time or when netflix graces me with dvd happiness, I watch Bones, True Blood, Burn Notice and have also seen all the episodes of Buffy and Angel. What can I say, I have a soft spot for corny dialogue and ridiculous effects ( I blame you Bruce Campbell).

Makeup? Yay or nay?
I love make-up, almost as much as I love books. Which is why I have a beauty blog as well.  I don't see make-up as a way to hide things or fix things nor do I see it as a way to change yourself into something else. I think of it as art for your face. I love that I can play with colors and blending and shapes and create different looks. I love that at halloween I can use it to make myself look dead or look like an evil fairy. I think it's amazing that you can make someone's face look wider or thinner with bronzer or concealer. I just think make-up is fun. No, I don't wear it everyday. In fact, most days I don't wear anything at all. I mean nothing. I generally am too lazy to even put in my contacts, let alone take time for silly things like concealer or mascara. I do make-up on the odd days when the mood strikes me, but I have fun when I do.

What are your favorite genre of books?
I love romances. I can't help it. They're like little clouds of happiness for me. I love happily ever afters and silly mis-communications.  I love alpha males and independent females. The world is serious enough as it is and I love books that let me escape and romances do that for me. I love the romance genre in general, but my favorite sub-genre is paranormal romance. I know most people automatically go "Twilight! Gah! Silly Vampires!" but it's not all vampires. Honestly, even the ones that are vampires are still really good. Also, since it's been mentioned, I did read the twilight series and have seen the movies. They're not terribly well written, but they are cute and I do understand they're draw. Save for the first movie, the movies aren't bad either. In fact, this last one was pretty good. Although, I have to admit the first one had to be one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Ever. God that wig was awful. Almost as awful as the choppy scenes and terrible effects. Almost. I did buy it though; however I will point in reference to my love for B-grade movies with bad dialogue  above. Which is why, you shall notice over time, about 90% of my reviews are likely to be romance novels.

Alrighty then, well it's now well past my bedtime, so you shall have to wait in anticipation for the next installment of "Me: The Things No One Gives A Crap About". Toodles

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Manly muscles to brighten your day

Alright, so I was looking at my post and realized I only had 2, yes only 2 delectably tasty manly morsels for you to enjoy on here. How much fail is that? So, here is some more for you =0)

Ladies, please meet Enoch Mayfield's male models
About Enoch Mayfield

Ladies, please meet Enoch's models abs
About Enoch Mayfield

Unfortunately, Enoch failed to provide me with names for my tasty morsels, so we'll call them drooling 1 and unintelligable muttering 2. Sound good? Yeah I thought so. *wants to pet the aaaaaaabbbbbbbbssssssssss*

Crouching Vampire, Hidden Fang

  When I re-read Zen and the Art of Vampires, I also read Crouching vampire. Why, you ask? Because Crouching Vampire is the sequel sillies.  Pia and Kristoff are so awesome, they needed two books. Two I say, what now biznatches?!?! Anyway, I think this story is adorable. The character interaction is absolutely amazing. Every character is likeable AND I finally got to figure out Alec. Magda takes part again, and she is one of my favorite characters. All in all, this will be a short review because I adored it as much, if not more, as the first one. However Christian and Ally's son is the best ever. You can never go wrong with a kid who wants to be Dracula and van Helsing all at the same time. :). So, yet again 5 cuppiecakes. =0). Go and read wenches!...and wenchers???

Book: Crouching Vampire, Hidden Fang
Author: Katie MacAlister

For a woman married to the vampire of her nightmares, the honeymoon’s over— and reality bites... Pia Thomason is torn between two Dark Ones: her husband Kristoff—who doesn’t trust her—and his best friend, Alec, who is MIA. So Pia goes back to her humdrum Seattle life, but fate has other plans. And she realizes that if she and Kristoff are going to be shackled together for better or worse, she may as well start to enjoy it…For a woman married to the vampire of her nightmares, the honeymoon’s over— and reality bites... Pia Thomason is torn between two Dark Ones: her husband Kristoff—who doesn’t trust her—and his best friend, Alec, who is MIA. So Pia goes back to her humdrum Seattle life, but fate has other plans. And she realizes that if she and Kristoff are going to be shackled together for better or worse, she may as well start to enjoy it…

Zen and the art of Vampires

   Alright lovelies, so since I've failed so immensely on the blogging, I vow to catch up.  Unfortunately for all of you, while I didn't have time to post, I still made time to read. Given, it took my ages longer to finish a book than normal, but I still read. A lot. So, I'm going to post a ton of reviews of all the wonderful books I read and failed to tell you all about. I decided to start with Zen and the Art of Vampires, because I re-read it a few days ago. Now, here I will proclaim to the world, Katie MacAlister is one of my favorite authors. Period. She has yet to write something I didn't enjoy with every fiber of my being. Now note, I haven't read her historicals yet, but everything else has been amazing. Now, onto the novel!

Book: Zen and the Art of Vampires
Author: Katie MacAlister

Le Cover:

Le Synopsis:
Is it possible to love two vampires at the same time? Pushing forty and alone, Pia Thomason heads to Europe on a singles tour, hoping to find romance. What she finds are two very handsome, very mysterious, and very undead men. And she learns that where vampires are concerned, love isn’t the only thing at stake.Is it possible to love two vampires at the same time? Pushing forty and alone, Pia Thomason heads to Europe on a singles tour, hoping to find romance. What she finds are two very handsome, very mysterious, and very undead men. And she learns that where vampires are concerned, love isn’t the only thing at stake.
   Now, one of my favorite things about Katie is that her characters are always flawed, but in a normal sort of way. They are easy to relate to and her heroine, Pia, is no exception.  I'm sure almost every woman at one point or another has looked at herself and looked and a gorgeous guy and said "I wish." Now, this could be a common occurrence (I hope not) or just one of those random fat days that bite you in the ass; but it happens to the best of us. I love Pia, she's intelligent, sweet and surprisingly funny as well. Magda reminds me of that friend that everyone loves because they throw caution to the wind and you always have a great time. Kristoff is the perfect combination of adorable and grumpy to make it all come together beautifully.  My least favorite character here was Alec; I felt like he was fake-nice and got the feeling he wasn't very honest. 
    Anyway, this book is a fantastic afternoon read. It's easy to slip into her story and stay wrapped up in it through to the end. I give this book 5 cupcakes. Yes, I said cupcakes. You all know how I love my cupcakes, thus there is no better rating system in the world; however I will yield to the tradition of a 1 to 5 scale. Of cuppiecakes. Now, go off and read everything by Katie MacAlister. That is an order. =0)

Monday, July 26, 2010


So, my little lovelies, I fail. For this I profusely apologize. Unfortunately, intense school + intense work does not equal fair blog time. Which is why I've been MIA FOR FRIGGIN EVER. Anyway, I am sorry. Good news for you folks though, I have a small break in which I can blog like a mad least until school starts again and I fail (yet again). I don't fail on purpose, it's just that being a science dork means I have a crazy schedule full of unfun thinks like stats and chemistry. God I hate chemistry. I really don't see what chemistry has to do with animals....really I don't. Anyway, this is my notice that I shall be back for a bit and will attempt to cram in as many reviews as I can (along with a few tasty manly morsels). Well, I'm off, it's 89 cent margarita night and I hear them calling my name. Toodles lovelies!

Monday, January 11, 2010


Well guys, I was going to do a review on Come Hell or High Water by Michelle Bardsley, but I'm just honestly not in the mood at the moment. As we all know, when it rains it pours; yet on occasion you somehow manage to miss the rain and pour and instead have a giant bolt of lightening come zap you in the ass. This leaves you terribly confused as to the source, since last you checked, it was sunny and perfect out. Unfortunately, I got zapped....then zapped...then lit on fire and booted down a hill. So, at the moment I'm not up to par with the humor portion of the program. Thus, I have decided to crawl into a hole for a few days, do my nails and read some Janet Evanovich until I feel better. Sorry my book nuts, see you in a few days.